No Guarantees

A week ago I posted on facebook "just got the best news ever." I was talking about getting a new sister-in-law but half of those reading my post assumed I was pregnant. It was bitter sweet when I told everyone they were wrong.

My first response was wow, these people are crazy! I mean I would love to have another baby. If I was guaranteed a "healthy" baby I would try again tomorrow. But that's the problem I'm not guaranteed a healthy baby. I have a 1 in 4 chance to have another child with Citrullinemia. 25%. Not a high number, I know. But it's still a 25% chance.

I've heard of a family in Canada that their last 5 out of 6 children had Citrullinemia. And I've been following a blog of this incredible women who has been through so much, but her last 4 boys have had the disorder. So it's totally possible.

I pray every night for a cure. To cure Lynlee and for a future for Ryan and I have more children someday. I'm always hoping we will look back at all of this one day and say that it wasn't so bad, and we are willing to take that chance. But how do you do that? How do you bring another child in this world knowing all the blood work and procedures you put them through? I'm not judging any other mother than has made that decision. Because hopefully one day I will make that too?

I remember the biggest worry when I was pregnant would be if I would be a good mother. I would ask Ryan this question at least once a week, to the point I would irrigate him. And I'm not one the brag, but I think I've done pretty well. So well that I would jump at the chance to do it all again..

*Sigh*

But until we have a cure, or until I put it in God's hands I'll continue to spoil the amazing daughter we do have.