Speech, school, one hot mess...

I really wanted to blog last night. But for some reason time slipped away and I got lazy... So you get two post in one.

As most of you know yesterday was THE SPEECH... The presentation is probably more accurate but I had worried and worried about it for months. I had practiced it three times (only once in front of a real person, Ryan) and I just went with. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It's obvious I'm not the best public speaker and there wasn't anyone trying to hire me for my speaking skills but I did it. I got up in a room full of people and told our stories. Told Lynlee's story. Going back three years is hard. I don't like relieving those days. Those first days of worry and fear. But I did it. I think the presentation was ok and I'm proud of it. I got to tell the story. It promotes organ donation and makes people aware of Urea Cycle. and ultimately if one kid gets care coordination and is better off after this then my part is done.

As hard as the speech was it didn't amount to half of this morning. We had speech therapy and then went to check out Lynlee's preschool. She will be starting Shining Star on Tuesday and well I'm a mess. I cried all the way home, cried for half the morning, and hell, I'm still crying typing it. And she didn't even start yet. I know it will get easier after the first few years weeks  days. I think she will do amazing there. She LOVES kids and already knows one little girl in her class. I think she will excel in learning and I'm hoping she does the same in speech...

I know it's selfish and wrong of me to not want her to go. If I could I would lock her up in the house forever and never let her leave until she was 40, 35 30? Well married, with kids... and then I'll move in with her to be the Nanny. See I have it all planned out.  But all jokes aside we've fought so many battles and beaten so many odds that I just don't want to let her out of my sight. I know that all mothers cry the first day of school, that it's not easy on anybody, but I'm just not ready. I'll never be ready.

Time doesn't stop, kids grow up. It just seems unreal that the baby I was talking about yesterday the one the doctors said wouldn't make it.. The one I wasn't sure would see a 1st first birthday, the one that got a new liver and was the poster child for it..... is going to pre-school next week...

Yea, I told you I was a blubbering hot mess...

So I'd better go wash my face and get one with the day so that I can follow her around like a puppy...

and job hunt. I obviously need out of the house more.