Sunday, July 11, 2010

4 months

Yesterday was 4 months since Lynlee's ammonia had been high. 4 months is amazing when you think we were in the hospital every 2 weeks for 6 weeks. But yesterday morning 4 months seems all too short.

Lynlee was up at 6:30 throwing up. It's not extremely unusual for her to be throwing up, she is always gagging her self these days. From the moment she woke up she just didn't look right to me. I put it off as teething. She has been up the past couple nights, and probably just not as rested.

While she was eating her 9:00am feed she threw up again. Not a lot, just a little which again isn't unusual. She sometimes will throw up if it doesn't settle right, or if you flush her line out too fast etc. But by this time I was watching her closely. Probably a little too close because I become paranoid!

When she threw up after her noon feed I told Ryan it was time to go. She was now throwing up after every feed and she just didn't look right, and wasn't really playful. However, she wasn't sleepy which is usually one of the first symptoms of high ammonia.

I couldn't not know, and would never forgive myself if I let all these "signs" go by and I did nothing.. So we packed up the car and went to the ER to get Lynlee tested.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain that feeling driving to the hospital. I usually leave the house fine. Well as fine as can be. I'm just in the motions of getting everything in the car. Then as we drive, I get sick. Nautious. The closer we get to the hospital the sicker I get and Ryan and I never talk. We don't say more than we have to. I'm assuming he has all those terrible thoughts going through his mind too, and there is really no need to say them out loud.

So we get to the ER get the ammonia it was 75. 75, what a bitter sweet number. Yes, I was happy that it wasn't a 200, but 75 made me want to cry. They discharged us and I called Pittsburgh. The doctor said something is up. Lynlee is fighting something in her body (my guess it's the cold she has from the teething)and her ammonia will either go up or down. When she had her respirtory infection her ammonia did go up to 72 and was back down in the 50's not even 4 hours later. So it's not impossible. He said just to watch her closely, if she became sleepy, cranky or just different get her to Pittsburgh ASAP. Don't go to the local hospital and get an ammonia, and wait for a transport just drive there.

I'm taking her in the morning (unless something would happen this afternoon, which I have FAITH that it won't) to get another ammonia. She seems to be feeling better today. Her eyes don't look as bad as yesterday and she is a lot more playful.

I'm hoping we go atleast 4 more months before I feel that "feeling" again. That not knowing feeling is the worst part of it. I hate this disorder and I'm still praying for that cure or miracle for my baby!

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