This past week has been an extremely busy and refreshing week for Lynlee. I'm starting to get her out more, which I'm sure she loves as much as I do. I have to admit I'm scared to death of that scary world out there with nothing but germs, but I know I can't live in fear forever. The doctors have told me that I'm not doing Lynlee any favors by keeping her inside. In fact, in the long run I'm hurting her. They told me that she had to be exposed to germs because if not by the time she made it to kindergarten and she was exposed to all of that at once she would be really sick. Lynlee's immune system is not weaker than any other child, but any virus or infection could effect her ammonia level. I'm reminded constantly that I take her to a hospital and a doctors office once a week so can a grocery store really care more germs than those two places? I doubt it!
So on Tuesday with Lynlee's mommaw called me to meet her at McDonald's for breakfast I started to cringe! Could I really take her to McDonald's? It was 10:20 so it shouldn't be too busy so I done it. I loaded her up and took her. I even sat her in the high chair, but I did sanitize the whole thing first. She loved it! She is so social and just LOVES looking around and watching people!
Tuesday evening Ryan and I decided to take Lynlee to the park. I'd been dying to put her on a swing. I know one of two things would happen. She would either Love it or Hate it. After making trips around the park waiting for our turn the swing was finally free. We sanitized the swing (of course!) and strapped her in. And she LOVED it. She swung for at least 10 minutes, and I thought she was getting cool so we left. I left there with a huge smile on my face. These were the moments that I'm so glad I can share with Lynlee, and I was so happy that Ryan came with us. Some days I feel like he misses so much so I'm thrilled when he can capture that moments with me!
Then we have today. My first Mother's Day. I have to admit I didn't think I'd be as emotional as I was. From the moment I opened my dresser and could smell Ryan's mommaw perfume. Oh, I how I miss her. Our first Mother's Day without her. Most days I'm fine, but some days I wish I had got to say good-bye. She had passed while we were in Pittsburgh and I couldn't leave Lynlee for the funeral. Not a day has went by when I don't think about her and don't wish she could have met Lynlee just once! After that it didn't take much to make the tears come. I would have moments where I just looked at Lynlee and think oh how lucky we are that she is here with us! So lucky that she is a fighter! I thank God for her everyday! Then this evening as we were watching TV about a NICU baby I just lost it, all of that just hit home.
I've always heard that you don't know what love is until you hold your child in your arms. That saying is so true! The love you have for your child is one that cannot be explained! It's truly amazing and unconditional.