Sunday, June 24, 2012

6 months.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around 6 months. 6 months. 180 days. 1/2 a year. Today makes 6 months since Lynlee's transplant. The day that really changed our lives forever. Part of me feels like it's been longer and the other part feels like it was just yesterday. I don't think I'll ever forget those first 36 hours. From the time we got the call until she was in PICU. Dr. Syndi sitting in the waiting room with us drinking his coffee after it was all said and done. Telling us how well it went and how the next 24 hours were critical. Little did we know she would do amazing. I shouldn't expect anything else from her.

I wish I had knew then what I know now. I would tell myself not to be so scared because she was going to be fine. That we were making the best decision and not to ever second guess ourselves. Maybe I would have got a little more rest that night. Maybe I would have not spent every waking moment praying as hard as I've ever prayed for the surgeons, for Lynlee, or the donor family. I would tell myself that she's going to eat and drink!! And she's going to talk.. She's going to learn and progress, and excel.

They (the doctors, the statics) say the first year post transplant is the worst. Everything’s about finding a balance etc. I'm sure we haven't had the best 6 months post transplant ever but I know it could be worse. She's definitely been more sick than she's ever been. And we have our struggles with certain labs and levels but we are getting there. We've still yet to make it past 2-3 weeks for labs and that's probably the hardest. It never gets easier holding her down for the blood work.

Ryan and I sat by the fire last night after Lynlee went to bed and a long conversation about the past 2 1/2 years. It's not been easy. It hasn't always been fun. But we are beyond blessed. We will never ever know why we or Lynlee was chosen to go through this journey. It's all part of a bigger picture we know nothing about. But I do know that with the two of them and many of you guys we will make it through anything.

I sat down last week and wrote the donor family a letter. I've wanted to do it since day one but couldn't find the words. Early one more last week I just woke up and wrote it. I felt like it was something I really needed to do. I know I may never hear from them. They may never chose to read the letter. But if they do I at least hope I could find a few small words to let them know they did make a difference..

A bigger difference than they will ever know.

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